Sitting at Luke's baseball game last night, I was reminded of the idea that you can be your kids coach or cheerleader...but not both.
In sports, the coach's job is not to tell you your great, its to teach and correct mistakes to help you get better. The coach is there to look at you with a critical eye. Their real value lies in fixing your mistakes and telling you where you get it wrong. If you are losing, the coach is full of criticism. If you are winning, the coach is still looking for ways to help you be even better. It's nothing personal.
The cheerleaders, however, have a vastly different role. Their role is to encourage and motivate by being positive and upbeat. Whether the team is winning or losing, the cheerleader's function is to keep cheering. When the game is all but lost, the cheerleaders might be the only ones on the field acting as if you can still pull it out.
As parents, we can get trapped into taking personally when our kids are taking their eye off the ball, not holding the glove high enough, or making an error. In our efforts to "help" them, we may be turning ourselves into the role of coach in the eyes of our little ones without realizing it. How many adults look back and see a critical parent from their childhood that was always pointing out their mistakes? They had a parent who fell into the role of coach and not cheerleader.
On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice if your kids memories of you as a parent were that you were always standing behind them, always encouraging them, always giving them the feeling that you were rooting for them?
Do you want to be a cheerleader or a coach?
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