There are varying views on this subject. Some folks say the opposite. But here's why I think marriage is harder than parenting (usually...until you get to #6):
1. Parenting has an end point. At a certain point, you are no longer parenting your kids (hopefully...). Sure you are always their parent, but parenting scales WAY back into coaching and ultimately friendship. There is (supposed to be) no end point with marriage.
2. There is more pressure to parent. Society frowns upon giving up on your kids and abandoning them because its not working out. It does not seem to carry the same views about marriage. You can divorce and start over multiple times with minimal societal shunning. (I understand not in all cases, but isn't that a subtle form of abandoning your kids? At least part time....)
3. Spouses have the power to hurt each other...severely. With your kids, its almost exclusively a 1 way street in the hurt department. We all find a way to mess up our kids unintentionally. But with our spouses, the wounds are already there from childhood and so it is a little like trying to walk thru a minefield blindfolded the 1st few years. (Good news, spouses also have the power to heal each others childhood wounds too!)
4. Marriage has a LOT of expectations of one another. You are expected to fulfill me as a friend, lover, confidant, pick me up when I'm down, communicate vulnerably to me, and for a long long time. Parenting comes with a decent amount of expectations but not near as many; and very few that require vulnerability. That is huge. Less vulnerability means less chance for hurt. And hurt...hurts.
5. One is biological/emotional, the other is just emotional. Let's face it, your kids are....your kids. When they drive you crazy, make you mad, etc....you can fall back on a deep love for them that you just can't get away from. Your marriage is a choice. And sometimes you have to fight hard to make the choice to stay in it or do the right thing or apologize or whatever. I can't tell you how many times I've peeked in on my kids sleeping and get that giddy feeling in my stomach. Peeking in on your spouse sleeping....it's not the same is it?
6. The wildcard. Most of us have finite energies and end up early on putting our efforts primarily into the kids or working because that's where the heaviest obligation and neediness lies. Marriages can take a back seat "while the kids are little" or "while I'm establishing my career" we often think. But what is truly the longterm constant, work, kids, or marriage? I have never put "till death do we part" on a job application.
And as we have seen, parenting has an end point. If we approach our lives with the end in mind, (who is going to be there for me in 30 years?) then the nurturing for the marriage must be there from the start and stay there. This makes marriage MUCH easier in the long term. But because so few of us do it, we end up trying to dig ourselves out of a hole later on in the relationship. So the folks that say marriage is easier....I think they may have all started out with a different perspective in the start and laid a foundation that paid dividends later.
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