I've been married almost 21 years. I have had some periods where I felt unhappy. I have had a few periods that I felt happy. But by and large I have been neither happy nor unhappy. It's not an either or.
Saying I want to be happy is basically chasing perfection. If I am happy with a situation, its going great and I have no complaints. Nothing can change to make it better.
There's a difference in being happy with your situation and being happy in your situation.
I think that very few spouses are happy. Most people would agree that their marriage isn't perfect.
MYTH 1: If I'm not happy, I'm unhappy.
On the other hand, unhappy is an entirely different animal. If you are unhappy, I think that you should seriously consider getting out of the situation you are in. If you are unhappy, you cannot be happy. However, if you are not happy, it doesn't mean you are unhappy.
I have a suspicion that my friend's spouse has found themselves in a position that they aren't unhappy, however internally some things have shifted that makes them realize that in this marriage there is no longer even the potential to be happy.
Hope and potential are powerful things. They can keep you in a situation that isn't happy, yet isn't unhappy either. I suspect my friend's spouse lost hope or saw no potential and then finally decided to be done. They will probably end up in a situation that gives them more hope and potential, but not likely the happy they are after.
MYTH 2: Everyone has the potential to be happy.
As for me and my 21 year "secret". I have found that I live each day in the present as best as I can. I try not to look at the past nor the future. I try to accept things and people for the way they are today and make decisions based on today. Do I want to be "happy"? I suppose I do, but based on who I am, I may never be able to have that, or I may, who knows. I have no idea or any way to tell if that's in my future. I can only work to be the best me and most accepting me today.
