I grew up fighting

     A few weeks ago I was out with friends and the subject came up of some guy getting in another guys face and how the one backed down and was quite meek about it.  And to me it was kind of crazy to think of this.  But one of the guys we were out with said, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?"

     I almost fell out of my chair.  I mean sure, a guy calls you a name, who cares.  Or someone cuts you off in traffic or flips you off, so what.  But when the guy is pushing you around and threatening you????  It just seemed like there was really NO other choices but to finish what this guy was starting.....

     Let's move backwards for a second.  Some of my youngest memories are of either seeing people fight in my family or me actually fighting.  (Second grade was one of my 1st serious fights-5th grade David Milligan brutally beat the shit out of me, and then there's the note in kindergarden when I pulled the knife on Tray....)

 So for me, this was a default until I turned 18.  After I turned 18 I knew that I'd go to jail.  But there was one time about 7-8 years ago...  I was in a business meeting and one of the doctors was questioning the way I was running our partnership.  We were getting snippy with each other and he said "fuck you".....Up I went, grabbed him and physically removed him from the meeting room.  I'm lucky I didn't go to jail?!?!?  What the hell was I thinking?

     Son thereafter I learned to slow things down and think rationally.  (read: my life long anxiety got treated).  Even since then though I've had escalations that at the time seemed "reasonable" but then looking back were not how I would re-do them.  But if you are wired to fight, it is a weird thing to have someone challenge you and to back down meekly.  But I gained a huge perspective and admiration for the guy who said to me, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?".  He's right!  Do I want my sons fighting or do I want them self-confident enough to know fighting is stupid and gets you no where?

     We always have a choice to escalate a situation or try to de-escalate it.  What takes more strength of character?  What is more impressive?  The guy who is challenged and beats another guy into a pulp or the guy who can make the situation go away by backing down?  De-escalation is a skill we are seldom taught as little boys :(

     Always growing, always learning and always hoping to be a better man than I was in the past.  Sadly its a long road from where I started!!

It shouldn't be this hard!!!

     I've heard this over the years from many folks and about many situations.

Let's start with getting ripped abs....what the heck?!?!?  It shouldn't be this hard.  And especially as I get older it gets harder (I assume....since I've never really put in the work to have them:))

Relationships.  Marriage shouldn't be this hard!!

Parenting.  Raising a kid to make good decisions shouldn't be this hard!

Money.  Making half a million dollars a year shouldn't be this hard!!!!

Running a marathon, deadlifting 500 lbs, finishing medical school, etc....

    Guess what bitches?

ANYTHING worth a fuck, is not going to come easy.....

"yeah but it shouldn't be this hard......"

     In the real world, some things come easier for others than they do you.  Maybe you're a hot mess because your parents never showed you they loved you.  Guess what?  Relationships are going to be hard for you.  Maybe you are built like a marathon runner.  Guess what?  A 500lb deadlift probably is not going to be very easy for you.  Maybe you were an impulsive/unpredictable kid from a home where chaos reigned.  Guess what?  Parenting (and plenty of other things) may be hard for you because of many reasons.....

Are you getting the picture?  So what now?  Give up?  Settle for mediocre?  

Maybe.  I mean who "really" cares about a 500 lb deadlift.  But if you do, by all means, keep putting in the work!  Do you really want to be a doctor?  Well if not, switch gears and do something easier.  Or buckle down and realize that its going to take some work.

     At the end of the day, know what matters, who matters, and put your energies in the right places.  Count on the right people.  Have a support system.  Love one another through the "hard work" and it gets easier to get to the other side of your goals.  

Know who is on your team rooting for you and who is not and is working against your journey.  (cupcakes and ice cream are working against your desire for ripped abs-in case you didn't know....)

But by all means, and this is the key, you can't make it through life alone.  Find a relationship (hard or not) and hang on to get the good stuff in life!!