He who blames others.....

 "He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived."

This ancient Chinese proverb resonates deeply with me.  First and foremost because I think that my past is laden with me being harshly judgmental towards people (under the guise of being a faithful Christian).  However secondly because as a reformed judger :) I think that I see that life is complex and people are all different.  What might be something that is easy for me, may be hard for another.  And conversely what may be a piece of cake for one person, may cause me great struggle.

It seems natural to search for someone or something to point the finger at for our feelings and situations.  And sometimes it's easier than other times.  Like a drunk driver that plowed into our car.  Blame comes fairly easy.  But what of situations that aren't so clear cut?

I think this proverb has applicable wisdom particularly when applied to interpersonal relationships and assignment of character flaws.  

You hurt my feelings, you let me down, you made me miserable, it's YOUR fault.  The world of relationships is far more complex than this.  It's a reason some states have a divorce called a "no fault" divorce.  Because there is so much to the break up that can go back as far as each spouse wants it to.  

You're lazy, try harder, you gave up, you're a quitter.  All ways we attack a person's character in judging the decisions they make.  Everyone fights an internal battle, most we can't see and don't know the background.  As well, some are built to suffer longer than others and we cannot blame one person for not having the capacity of another.

The saddest thing that this blame issue creates is the difficulty in forgiving.  If I have a person that I assign all or most of the blame to for something, then I can often struggle to forgive them versus if I gave the grace of understanding that there is complexity in the situations, in the person's capacity and journey.

1. Blame others-you have a long way to go

2. Blame yourself- you're halfway there

3. Blame no one-you have arrived