I grew up fighting

     A few weeks ago I was out with friends and the subject came up of some guy getting in another guys face and how the one backed down and was quite meek about it.  And to me it was kind of crazy to think of this.  But one of the guys we were out with said, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?"

     I almost fell out of my chair.  I mean sure, a guy calls you a name, who cares.  Or someone cuts you off in traffic or flips you off, so what.  But when the guy is pushing you around and threatening you????  It just seemed like there was really NO other choices but to finish what this guy was starting.....

     Let's move backwards for a second.  Some of my youngest memories are of either seeing people fight in my family or me actually fighting.  (Second grade was one of my 1st serious fights-5th grade David Milligan brutally beat the shit out of me, and then there's the note in kindergarden when I pulled the knife on Tray....)

 So for me, this was a default until I turned 18.  After I turned 18 I knew that I'd go to jail.  But there was one time about 7-8 years ago...  I was in a business meeting and one of the doctors was questioning the way I was running our partnership.  We were getting snippy with each other and he said "fuck you".....Up I went, grabbed him and physically removed him from the meeting room.  I'm lucky I didn't go to jail?!?!?  What the hell was I thinking?

     Son thereafter I learned to slow things down and think rationally.  (read: my life long anxiety got treated).  Even since then though I've had escalations that at the time seemed "reasonable" but then looking back were not how I would re-do them.  But if you are wired to fight, it is a weird thing to have someone challenge you and to back down meekly.  But I gained a huge perspective and admiration for the guy who said to me, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?".  He's right!  Do I want my sons fighting or do I want them self-confident enough to know fighting is stupid and gets you no where?

     We always have a choice to escalate a situation or try to de-escalate it.  What takes more strength of character?  What is more impressive?  The guy who is challenged and beats another guy into a pulp or the guy who can make the situation go away by backing down?  De-escalation is a skill we are seldom taught as little boys :(

     Always growing, always learning and always hoping to be a better man than I was in the past.  Sadly its a long road from where I started!!