There was a couple that had been married for a while, basically raising kids, going thru life as we all do. Let's just say the relationship was stuck in a lull. One day, the doorbell rang and the wife went and answered it, only to find a girl standing there. "Can I help you?" the wife asked. The girl said, "Your husband called and told me to come over and babysit the kids tonight". Moments later, the husband arrives home from work and comes in the house and tell his wife, "Honey, get your favorite dress on, we're going out tonight". The wife is surprised and very excited at this point.
So they drive off to a very nice restaurant and awaiting them is a very special table by the window and as she sits down, she sees a note by her place setting. She opens it to find a handwritten list from her husband of all the things he loves about her. They go on to have a great meal with the most wonderful conversation and at the end he pulls out a red rose (her favorite) and gives it to her. The wife is thinking, "could this get any better?". The relationship is flying high.
So the following week, the door bell rings again. She goes to the door to find the baby sitter. "What are you doing here?", the wife asks. "Your husband asked me to watch the kids again". The wife immediately gets that excited feeling again. Moments later the husband is home from work, "Honey, get your favorite dress on, we're going out tonight". So off they go and the husband drives to the same restaurant as last week. The couple are sat in the same special table, she notices the same special handwritten note of all the things he loves about her. They go on to have the same conversation and at the end of the meal he pulls out...the same red rose (still her favorite). The wife is thinking that this is a little weird, but it's nice to be out and together.
This same thing happens the next week and then the next. And as each week goes by with same routine, same dress, same restaurant, same meal, same list, same flower.... the wife is starting to indicate that she doesn't feel the same way about this as she did the first time. It has gone from "special" in her eyes, uplifting to the relationship, to a point that it is just weird this same thing every week. The husband is amazed, he can't figure it out. He says to her, "But honey, you really loved it the first time..."
So what is the lesson here?
The lesson is that ritual and tradition can actually be subversive to relationship. What was once great, if allowed to become repetitious can quickly become less about the relationship and more about the routine ("this is what we do...."). We can relate that to relationships of our own but we can even relate that to some churches that are stuck in tradition and rituals. What was once a fresh and uplifting experience can deteriorate into a meaningless activity that is done for traditions sake. And soon it becomes an obligation that we don't really look forward to....if we're not careful.
How much better would it have been if the 2nd week, the husband would've said let's go to a play or a movie? Or even a different restaurant? We must look relationships through the needs of others and their eyes. We must guard against a formula that is followed without thought. Again, lend that to our spiritual lives: Is it formulaic and grounded in rituals that become little more than something we do because we've always done it that way?
Some ritual can be good as long as it doesn't become an obligation that you dread. If you read the bible daily and look at it similar to sitting with your spouse and sharing quality time then it's not a formula of "reading because I should". If you are going thru the motions (with God or your spouse), it won't be long before it feels superficial and lacking in the depth of the relationship. Obligation often is oppressive to freedom.... We must be active and purposeful in the development of our relationships; all of them. Not just allowing ourselves to fall into a routine that goes through the motions....but keeping it truly ALIVE.
