I think I used to say things about the last 2 like, "oh they're smart, but just haven't found their way or their strengths yet.". But the older these kids get, I start to think that maybe that some folks just aren't as smart as others. I mean in life I have no problem thinking that about people I run into. Some folks just need more time to "get things" that others "get" right away. I guess we are a lot like computers, some people process fast, others slow. And maybe some will never understand certain things that others do.
But this gauge isn't necessarily an indicator of 1. The kind of person they are and 2. their future success. We all know the really smart person who screwed up their life or is just a straight up jerk. And we all know the person who never did well in school but went on to be very successful in business and/or was the "nicest guy".
So I guess I started to look at other things that might be attributes I can cultivate in my kids. And I came up with Intelligence, experience, and love.
Intelligence
I push my kids to do their best. I ask them to be proud of working hard and achieving. But I also realize that some folks might be what you call a C student.
Experience
In a way this is what some people call common sense. The experiences of life. But it is also a type of learning that is often not an academic type. I'm currently more intelligent than my youngest son, but his experience on the computer blows my mind at what he can do. And so I push the kids to get understanding of things through life and its encounters.
Love
I believe this virtue is so very important to cultivate. And it comes in many forms. Kindness to people, to animals, respect for others as well as the earth. Understanding that there is so much more in this life and world than just us as individuals. The idea that we are a collective, a community. And then the idea that relationships of a 1-on-1 nature are where we are supposed to be most safe and secure and learn real love.
So I hope that this lack of "smarts" turns out to be a blessing for my family. Because if I had 3 straight A students, I might fall into the trap of thinking that was the determinant of success. I don't know because I don't have that. What I do have are 3 kids that I think are really great people and each have their gifts and their struggles and I'm hoping they take the 3 virtues above and work on them the best they can but then at the end of the day be happy with who they are.
