Intelligence, experience, love

     I've got 3 kids.  From an academic standpoint, I have a straight A student, another that gets lots of C's, and another that struggles to pass every year.

     I think I used to say things about the last 2 like, "oh they're smart, but just haven't found their way or their strengths yet.".  But the older these kids get, I start to think that maybe that some folks just aren't as smart as others.  I mean in life I have no problem thinking that about people I run into.  Some folks just need more time to "get things" that others "get" right away.  I guess we are a lot like computers, some people process fast, others slow.  And maybe some will never understand certain things that others do.  

     But this gauge isn't necessarily an indicator of 1. The kind of person they are and 2. their future success.  We all know the really smart person who screwed up their life or is just a straight up jerk.  And we all know the person who never did well in school but went on to be very successful in business and/or was the "nicest guy".

     So I guess I started to look at other things that might be attributes I can cultivate in my kids.  And I came up with Intelligence, experience, and love.

Intelligence

     I push my kids to do their best.  I ask them to be proud of working hard and achieving.  But I also realize that some folks might be what you call a C student. 

Experience

     In a way this is what some people call common sense.  The experiences of life.  But it is also a type of learning that is often not an academic type.  I'm currently more intelligent than my youngest son, but his experience on the computer blows my mind at what he can do.  And so I push the kids to get understanding of things through life and its encounters.

Love

     I believe this virtue is so very important to cultivate.  And it comes in many forms.  Kindness to people, to animals, respect for others as well as the earth.  Understanding that there is so much more in this life and world than just us as individuals.  The idea that we are a collective, a community.  And then the idea that relationships of a 1-on-1 nature are where we are supposed to be most safe and secure and learn real love.

     So I hope that this lack of "smarts" turns out to be a blessing for my family.  Because if I had 3 straight A students, I might fall into the trap of thinking that was the determinant of success.  I don't know because I don't have that.  What I do have are 3 kids that I think are really great people and each have their gifts and their struggles and I'm hoping they take the 3 virtues above and work on them the best they can but then at the end of the day be happy with who they are.

Integrity is a funny thing....

     My buddy and I just had a terrible experience with a woman regarding an auction item that she had donated, we bid on and won, and then she reneged on.

     It was a funny thing because I guess I forget what its like to deal with people who say one thing and do another.

     Years ago, the contractor who built our house defaulted on paying the insulation sub-contractor.  The sub called me waaaay after the fact and asked me if I would pay the bill.  It was over $5,000.  It was clear that it was not my legal responsibility to pay it as the time to file a lien had long passed.  I felt bad that they did the work and didn't get paid.  The general contractor had long since filed bankruptcy.  At the time I told them that I was planning to list my house for sale the following month and as soon as it sold I would cut them a check.  My house didn't sell and they never called me.

     A few years after this we actually did sell our house.  We didn't profit on the house as the market tumbled, but we did have a little equity from paying down the loan.  Guess who wrote a check for the 5k?  Right.  Could I have found another place for the money?  Would they have EVER expected a check?  Was it my "fault" that they didn't get paid to begin with?

     This is one of the 1st times I've ever mentioned this story come to think of it.  It just seemed like the right thing to do, honor my word.  I struggled with the idea of even paying them at the time they 1st called me, but after discussing it with Kathy and the idea of how much money we thought we would profit from the house, we decided we would just pay them when we sold the house.  Once the decision was made and I gave them my word, it was made.  It was only a matter of time until we finally did sell the house.

     I sure hope that the lady we dealt with in this auction figures out that in this world the only thing you truly have is not material things or stuff, but your word.  And once that becomes not worth a damn, then you really truly have nothing in spite of what you think.