Making friends with the worst outcome

12 years ago my then 2 y/o son had a cerebellar brain deformation "accidentally discovered" that is not usually discovered until the person is in adulthood and has problems from it, 3-4 years ago my wife and I separated for 7 months, 2 months ago a friend of mine had a traumatic brain injury and is fighting to recovery speech, movement, and a his normal life.  The list goes on and on in life for all of us.  Things that either are going wrong or might.  Things that worry us to no end.

     While it is HARD to do, it is imperative that we make friends with the worst outcome in things.  That's not saying that we give up and don't fight for the outcome we want.  But we must understand going into the fight that indeed we do not have the ultimate control over things.

     My friend may never be independent again, my son may wake up on his 21st birthday with a headache and motor loss that won't go away, my wife and I may not make it to our next anniversary (We're actually doing GREAT so relax).  The thought of all 3 of those things bothers me.....but I accept them as a possible reality.  I have taken them to their final worst outcome in my head.

What do I do then....?

     #1  Try to live each day knowing that its a gift that my buddy is still alive, that its a gift that Noah is healthy, that its a gift that I have the privilege to be married to my best friend.  These are the things that need to influence how I take on each day.

     #2 Try to understand that if the day(s) come that I am faced with the worst outcomes....I need to have already met them and accepted them and try to move forward at that moment.  I need to cherish the moments and recovery that my friend does have, I need to deal with the problems Noah may have at that time, I would need to be respectful of the woman who gave me nearly all of the happiness in my life and 3 beautiful children.   I can be sad, but I can't stop living because the worst outcome came to be.

What do I want?  

     My friend to recover completely, Noah to never have symptoms from his Chiari, Kathy and I to celebrate our 50th anniversary.  What am I going to get?  I have no idea.  But I've made friends with the worst outcomes I may get.


     I leave it with a quote from Tom Hanks character in Castaway:

 "And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day, my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back in Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow, the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

Integrity is a funny thing....

     My buddy and I just had a terrible experience with a woman regarding an auction item that she had donated, we bid on and won, and then she reneged on.

     It was a funny thing because I guess I forget what its like to deal with people who say one thing and do another.

     Years ago, the contractor who built our house defaulted on paying the insulation sub-contractor.  The sub called me waaaay after the fact and asked me if I would pay the bill.  It was over $5,000.  It was clear that it was not my legal responsibility to pay it as the time to file a lien had long passed.  I felt bad that they did the work and didn't get paid.  The general contractor had long since filed bankruptcy.  At the time I told them that I was planning to list my house for sale the following month and as soon as it sold I would cut them a check.  My house didn't sell and they never called me.

     A few years after this we actually did sell our house.  We didn't profit on the house as the market tumbled, but we did have a little equity from paying down the loan.  Guess who wrote a check for the 5k?  Right.  Could I have found another place for the money?  Would they have EVER expected a check?  Was it my "fault" that they didn't get paid to begin with?

     This is one of the 1st times I've ever mentioned this story come to think of it.  It just seemed like the right thing to do, honor my word.  I struggled with the idea of even paying them at the time they 1st called me, but after discussing it with Kathy and the idea of how much money we thought we would profit from the house, we decided we would just pay them when we sold the house.  Once the decision was made and I gave them my word, it was made.  It was only a matter of time until we finally did sell the house.

     I sure hope that the lady we dealt with in this auction figures out that in this world the only thing you truly have is not material things or stuff, but your word.  And once that becomes not worth a damn, then you really truly have nothing in spite of what you think.