Integrity is a funny thing....

     My buddy and I just had a terrible experience with a woman regarding an auction item that she had donated, we bid on and won, and then she reneged on.

     It was a funny thing because I guess I forget what its like to deal with people who say one thing and do another.

     Years ago, the contractor who built our house defaulted on paying the insulation sub-contractor.  The sub called me waaaay after the fact and asked me if I would pay the bill.  It was over $5,000.  It was clear that it was not my legal responsibility to pay it as the time to file a lien had long passed.  I felt bad that they did the work and didn't get paid.  The general contractor had long since filed bankruptcy.  At the time I told them that I was planning to list my house for sale the following month and as soon as it sold I would cut them a check.  My house didn't sell and they never called me.

     A few years after this we actually did sell our house.  We didn't profit on the house as the market tumbled, but we did have a little equity from paying down the loan.  Guess who wrote a check for the 5k?  Right.  Could I have found another place for the money?  Would they have EVER expected a check?  Was it my "fault" that they didn't get paid to begin with?

     This is one of the 1st times I've ever mentioned this story come to think of it.  It just seemed like the right thing to do, honor my word.  I struggled with the idea of even paying them at the time they 1st called me, but after discussing it with Kathy and the idea of how much money we thought we would profit from the house, we decided we would just pay them when we sold the house.  Once the decision was made and I gave them my word, it was made.  It was only a matter of time until we finally did sell the house.

     I sure hope that the lady we dealt with in this auction figures out that in this world the only thing you truly have is not material things or stuff, but your word.  And once that becomes not worth a damn, then you really truly have nothing in spite of what you think.

Coach or cheerleader? You can't be both....

     Sitting at Luke's baseball game last night, I was reminded of the idea that you can be your kids coach or cheerleader...but not both.

     In sports, the coach's job is not to tell you your great, its to teach and correct mistakes to help you get better.  The coach is there to look at you with a critical eye.  Their real value lies in fixing your mistakes and telling you where you get it wrong.  If you are losing, the coach is full of criticism.  If you are winning, the coach is still looking for ways to help you be even better.  It's nothing personal.

     The cheerleaders, however, have a vastly different role.  Their role is to encourage and motivate by being positive and upbeat.  Whether the team is winning or losing, the cheerleader's function is to keep cheering.  When the game is all but lost, the cheerleaders might be the only ones on the field acting as if you can still pull it out.

     As parents, we can get trapped into taking personally when our kids are taking their eye off the ball, not holding the glove high enough, or making an error.  In our efforts to "help" them, we may be turning ourselves into the role of coach in the eyes of our little ones without realizing it.  How many adults look back and see a critical parent from their childhood that was always pointing out their mistakes?  They had a parent who fell into the role of coach and not cheerleader.

     On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice if your kids memories of you as a parent were that you were always standing behind them, always encouraging them, always giving them the feeling that you were rooting for them?

     Do you want to be a cheerleader or a coach?