Why I don't go to church or college anymore

OPINION ALERT.....

     I was discussing with someone recently the subject of church.  It came up that I went for many years, my kids went as well, but that our family doesn't go any longer.

      It got me to thinking.  I feel like church attendance is a lot like going to college.  You often will go to college, get your degree and then graduate.  It doesn't mean that you stop learning though.  It simply means that you have gone, obtained a foundation, and now are (hopefully) putting that into practice in the world as you continue to grow and learn from life.

     Is there more to obtain from going to more college or more church?  Of course.  At what point though does it become something that you are no longer enjoying, or maybe obtaining information at a rate that doesn't justify the attendance in your mind?  I think that is different for everyone.
   
     Is there anything wrong with continual college or church attendance throughout your whole life? Of course not.  Is it enjoyable, do you feel that you are getting something out of it?

     I'd also say that on the other side of the spectrum, I've met many folks that were extremely loving and Christlike and hadn't had much if any exposure to church.  The same goes for the self made business man with no college.  So do you HAVE to go to either?  Not necessarily.....

     Part 2 of this......

     I believe in a personal God who "knows" me.  This is a Christian tenant.  As such, I don't believe in obligation and guilt as motivators.  I think of the old song I heard as a child, "You've got a friend in Jesus" and I don't think that I visit my friend only 1 day a week out of duty or habit.  I think that I spend time with my friend all the time, allowing him to guide and counsel me.  My friend wants me to be happy, not burdened.  I may have met him in a church, but then the foundation and understanding was built and I began to walk with him daily through real life.


     I went to college in my early 20's.  When I was older (late 30's) I went back to college and obtained my business degree.  It was a worthwhile decision.  You never know, I may go back again some day.  But I am always learning... My life learning doesn't end because I'm out of school.  My desire to grow closer to God and love people doesn't end because I no longer go to church.  Do I want my kids to go to college and/or church for their own foundation?  If they would like to, yes.

Leaderboards are dumb, benchmark boards are not.....

     Jeez, talk about click bait....sorry.  Blair (Morrison, my coach) and I had a brief conversation after two new women came into the gym today about progress.

     It turns out that these 2 gals came from my previous CF gym and they have both been CF'ing for like 6 years.  They have goals of better coaching and getting better.  It occurred to me that the box they are coming from has a leaderboard that looks like this:



     One thing that stands out is that the same names are usually topping the leaderboard for most things.  So essentially you are either one of the bad ass leaders.....or you're not.  And unless you are me (who keeps meticulous records of EVERY training sessions and also logs them on the mywod app) then how do you know where you stand related to you??  And really unless you are in the top 1-2%, isn't that what really matters??

     As Blair said, "I don't think this system is very conducive for progress".

   Anyhow, our gym has a full wall dedicated to EVERY member and it looks something like this (we only have about 11 benchmarks though):


     Ok, this isn't "actually" it, because I forgot to take a pic of our board today when I left.  But these folks are doing it right!  Each member has a running benchmark log that allows them to keep progressing.  Blair and I think that this is the best way to do what matters, increasing the fitness of people.  And as a side, it doesn't promote a caste system of the elite and all the rest.

     So if you are a gym with a "leaderboard", I ask you for the sake of the 99%, rethink that and consider an inclusive benchmark board!!

You are not truly confident until you risk being vulnerable.

     Was told today by my teenage son that he doesn't have the confidence to stand up to some of his friends when they are asking him to make not so good choices.  It got me thinking.....

     True friends are going to accept you for who you are and what you think-even if that is different from them.  That being said, these are kids.  Acceptance means a lot (everything) to them.  So how can I help him see that being vulnerable (telling the friends no, etc...) and risking their ridicule is actually a projection of confidence and strength???

     What does this look like?  It looks like exposure, it looks like risk, it looks a little scary at times.  But if you are confident in who you are, then you can take the chances, live the consequences, hear the judgement, and know that it doesn't change who you are.

Kids

If you stand up to or disagree with your 'friends', you risk being kicked "out of the group".  So instead of being confident in who you are, you give in to try to fit in.  Is it parenting or is it just "who you are" that influences the ability to have the confidence to stand up against the group?

Marriage

This is where risk and vulnerability are paramount.  Can you express yourself without causing an argument?  Can you take criticism without it crushing you or causing you to be defensive?  Sunday will be my 18th anniversary and I'm "still" working to make sure its a safe place for her to share her feelings.  I'm "still" working to make sure that when I let her down I act vulnerably by owning things and letting her be upset.

The Anger or the apathy

     These are the indicators that you are not allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  If you find yourself offended and angry, its likely that you are using that instead of exposing your real feelings or that you aren't allowing others to disagree with you.  If you "couldn't care less" about what people think, that is a hint that you are hiding behind false confidence.

     Anger doesn't get you closer to solutions, it sends the message to people to "back off".  And intuitively we don't want to be closer to angry people.

     Vulnerable, confident people care about people's feelings and aren't afraid to say if they themselves are hurt; they take on possible rejection or ridicule to share real feelings; they know that who they are isn't swayed by the opinions of others.  Now how do I tell that to my kid???

My month on RP Strength diet

     I am 5’10” and 175-180.  I didn’t want to gain or lose any weight.  I just wanted to clean up and learn how to eat.  So I reached out to Nick at RP and he was immediately responsive back and forth with me.  He advised me to purchase the cutting template and enter 180 lbs but just eat the base diet.


     There are 4 diets, base, cuts 1,2, and 3.  The idea is to start on the base, then move to the cut diets which reduce calories just enough each time to spur on fat loss.  They also have a massing template that has 3 massing phases where calories are slowly added to gain muscle.

     Anyhow, I realized almost immediately I had not been eating enough food/quality calories.  I felt like I was stuffing myself with the amount of meals/food I was eating.  The other thing that happened was that I accidentally printed out cut #3 sheet for my training days.  I still felt like I was eating a ton, but I started getting pretty lean fast.  I did this (ate base on three rest days and cut 3 on my four training days) accidentally for about 10 days.  Once I realized this, I switched to base for all of the days and REALLY felt that I was stuffing myself.  But my weight stayed around 177-180.  I was shocked.

     In the beginning I was meal prepping hard.  Cooking a ton of food and having it ready to roll eating big breakfasts, etc….  Now I feel like I’ve got it kind of dialed in and so I will bring left overs from the night before’s dinner for a meal or 2 while at work or I’ll go grab something at wholefoods or wherever.  For breakfasts a lot of times I’ll have fruit and a protein/carb shake to get the meal in.  I’m fairly lean still (for sure more than before I started) and my weight is mostly pegged at 178-180.
     The way they do things is calculate your BMR (easy to find on line) then use a multiple for how much calories to eat on rest days vs training days (also easy to find on line).  They take your body weight and figure out protein intake (.8-1g per lb) and then same with carbs (roughly .5 rest days 1.5 training days).  Split the macros up into 5-6 meals and then fill in the rest of the calories with fat calories.

     The only thing that is slightly complicated is their nutrient timing.  That is pretty cool and it’s a matter of “when in the day do you train?” and based on that they have a ton of scenarios for how to eat around training.  The one thing that is in EVERY plan in the casein protein shake at bedtime.  That’s to preserve muscle throughout the night as you sleep due to its slow breakdown/absorption.  

     There is for sure a difference in a diet for performance and for health.  If you work hard at it, you can make this one both.  It is not paleo, but is paleo friendly.  I find myself eating more starches that I had in the past, but also a boat load more protein.  And the pre and intra workout shakes are VERY good for training endurance.  I don’t eat lean beef like they say to, because its hard to find that grass fed, so I just cut back my supplemental fat since the beef has plenty.  It’s part art as well as science and I think it’s been a very worthwhile investment.

I'm paying "you"....my beef with some CF box owners

     I have worked out with CF coaches that tell you to do burpees if you are late to class or forget someone's name in the group.  You've got to be fucking kidding me.....

     I've owned a business for over 20 years now.  We do physical therapy.  It's a service business.  Patients come to us, we help them get better.  It's kind of the same way in crossfit boxes.  People come to you, they are helped to get "better".

     Service is service.  And in the service business, many times there is a mantra that the customer is always right.  Unless you are the only game in town, you better err on the side of ass kissing with your members rather than drill instruction.

     Many coaches take a funny approach of letting you pay the box so they can treat you like you are lucky to be there.  You can always tell the coaches who approach things like a job vs a passion.  Is your coach a different coach at 5:30 am than she is at noon or 4:30 pm?  Does your coach push you to have the same goals as he does?  Does your coach ever get "exasperated" because you still don't understand an exercise or a movement?

     I have vacationed to several different CF gyms over the years and here's an amazing example of customer service:

     Years ago, I was in San Diego and stopped into CF 619.  I explained to Chris Keith, the owner, I was in town for 4-5 days.  I asked to buy a shirt and what would it cost to come in for open gym and classes.  Nothing.  He sold me a shirt and refused to let me pay anything more.  It gets better.

     At the time my comp program called for Isabel.  I hadn't done Isabel ever.  I was there during a non class time to train.  He proceeded to take me through a very comprehensive warm up for Isabel using the burgener warm up, indian clubs, and some mobility work.  Then he helped me figure out a rep scheme and coached me through it.  But wait, there's more....

     As I was getting ready to leave, he gave me the key code for the gym in case I wanted to come in over the weekend when I had the chance since he knew I was seeing the sights with the family.  Now granted, he knew I had my level 1 and had spent the last hour with me, so maybe he screened me and felt ok.  But I was blown away....

     He had awards all over his walls about being voted the best trainer in San Diego, etc...and it ALL started with his approach to customer service.  Over the years I have referred everyone I knew going to SD to him.  The week after I left I mailed him a box of new speed ropes.  I became a fan for life.  Please don't assume that this is a "policy" at CF619, it might be, but is just what I experienced years ago.

     I say all this to say to most box owners, "Last I checked, I'm paying 'you'...." so if I get stuck in the bathroom from too much mexican the night before and stroll in 5 minutes late, don't tell me to do 50 burpees....  This is a service business and as such, your job is to work hard to be the same gal at 530 am as you are at 530 pm, make my experience the best you can, adjust my programming to 'my' goals, etc....

     I'm paying you!  :)

Doing business with friends and family

   

     I have lived long enough to see things not always go as planned.  It's caused me to have a rule I try to follow about doing business with friends and family.  Rule 1: If I'm good friends or family with someone, I don't like to do business with them.

     If I'm just acquainted with them or don't spend much actual time with them, then I don't mind.

     Over the years I have broken this rule here and there and when I do, I follow a 2nd rule.  Rule 2: If you decide to do business with good friends or family, you have to promise not to complain or get upset.

     I generally tend to regard things like this:  I value my family and friendships TOO MUCH to put them at risk by doing business with them.

     No one is perfect.  Everyone makes mistakes.  And on top of that, some issues are unavoidable and then the person whose watch it happens on is responsible.

     I've owned a physical therapy practice for over 20 years.  I like to think we're pretty good.  I could run down the list why....but that's another blog post :)  My point is that if a friend  needs help, I expect them to come to me and I'll hook them up at my clinic.  BUT, if they were to tell me they felt more comfortable going somewhere else, I would totally get it.  What happens if things don't go as planned in the rehab?  What happens if an issue arises?

     I'd much rather have a friendship than a patient/client.

No Excuses-that Rhonda Rousey....

     So I read the Rhonda Rousey biography and aside from feeling terrible about her dad dying and her mom being a hard ass bitch, I took away a really cool philosophy from the book.  Her mom would tell her (essentially), anyone can perform well on a good day, but you need to be able to beat your opponent twice on your worst day.

     Rewind to my Donny Shankle seminar back in February of this year and his philosophy of find something to PR in everyday, and now I'm feeling dangerous!

     I have friends that mock the PR everyday thing, "Hey Trav, today I PR'd my 1 eye closed, red shirt wearing pistols!".  I just kind of smile and think (Shankle voice), "F you".  (He is just that intense and I'd be scared to death to get on his bad side).

     So to the point:

I used to do all my strength work before the metcons at my gym, I was given the special ok to do the competitive programming stuff at the time I came in and then jump in with the next class and do metcons.  Well, the rules changed.  Now you have to do the class and then any comp stuff after.  At first I was kind of pissed because I thought, "how will I be able to have any energy to Oly or strength after I'm beat down by the conditioning???".

Well, I decided (again in Shankle voice) "f you", I'm going to beat Oly and strength stuff down at my worst.  So I began a mindset of being my best in less than optimal situations.  Would I do better clean and jerking heavy BEFORE I do a God awful "spartan WOD" that takes 45-50 minutes???  Of course!  But you know what?  Screw it, I won't take no for an answer on my performance.

And sure enough I STILL make it happen.  This weekend I was at the gym in my oly shoes and my son needed them (he's training for the raw nationals next week).  So I gave them to him and put back on my flimsy INOV8 192's.

I needed to do a jerk triple.  Well....no excuses.  I PR'd by 20lbs.  In fact I also had to do a snatch balance x2 and OHS x5.  No Oly shoes at first and I thought, "well there goes my PR likelihood....".  Then I decided, I needed to be able to do this stuff on my worst days too and so I did the work and PR'd the snatch bal by 10 lbs too.

Moral of the story:  There are easy excuses to make or there is hard work to do.  Don't let your mind beat you before you start.