Why non CF folks think CF folks are jerks...

Why do most non-crossfitter look at us like we're jerks?

     The short answer...nobody likes a zealot.  

Zealot-a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious, political, or other ideals.

     
     Most folks believe what they believe and, unless they are seeking answers, its usually offensive to them to be given a recipe that they didn't ask for.  "You should really come to my CF gym...."

     It reminds me of my life before I came to my spiritual beliefs.  When folks would come knocking on the door to tell me about Jesus, it was at best a nuisance, at worst irritating.  ("Get these Jesus freaks out of here!!")

     I know a lot of folks that reject faith entirely because of their encounters with a zealot early in life.  You hear stories of folks that were "beaten over the head with religion" at a young age and grew to disdain it for a long long time, if not forever.

     So what is the answer in getting folks to share our love of Crossfit?

I think the answer is generally the same across the board when it comes to sharing our faith in anything.  

1. Work off of the principle of love and not fear.  (You're going to hell only works for so long and doesn't do much to create a love relationship with God.)  For example, mocking or condemning someone's exercise program is a poor choice vs. explaining that they might really enjoy coming to CF with you as your guest.

2. Be a beacon and an example without belaboring the point.  There's a reason people make the joke: How do you know someone does CF?  Because its all they ever talk about.  Strive for balance in your life and conversations or people are going to label you in the "fanatical zealot" camp.

3. Keep in mind that many people have issues with the thing you love that have nothing to do with you or what you love.  Folks that struggle with self acceptance and feeling good enough are often going to be reluctant to be vulnerable and try something new when it comes to exercise.  Just like folks with a skewed concept of God and faith will be very defensive and closed to stepping out of their insulated world view to look into different spiritual beliefs.  Tread lightly.

Harden the F up!

     I have 3 children.  One of them (the youngest) is in the school nurse's office a few times a week; always seems to have an ailment.  I took him to a cardiologist (don't ask) a few months ago and after he examined him the doc pulled me aside and said, "Is he...would you say...usually dramatic?".  My oldest one on the other hand literally stopped crying over pain at age 3 or 4.  I recall being at a birthday party and he took a header off of a plastic play slide.  I was standing with 2 other dads and one of them got a little concerned as he watched it happen and said, "Whoa!  Is he okay???".  The other dad turned to him an said, "You don't know Noah....".

     What's the point?  I guess the point is that I have to work hard to convey to my other 2 kids (and myself) that there is no one in the world that is you.  So when you see their struggles and you gauge them against "what you would do or have done", there is a good chance you are being unfair, un-compassionate, unloving.  At the very least, you are making a judgment that is based on a guess and not reality.  Do I think my youngest "really" has a tummy ache everyday, chest pain on occasion, terrible pain from a superficial scratch that brings him to tears???  Or do I think he might be crying wolf a little?  Well....maybe a little bit of both.  :)

     It's so hard to not just tell him to toughen up, quit complaining, look at his brother, you can't be serious, c'mon!, etc....  But I think to myself, what is the end point on that kind of treatment?  I'd like to think it is that he learns to "be tough".  And while that may be true, I believe that the other likely outcome is that he learns that his relationship with his dad is not a safe one to express hurts and pain and upsets.  That I don't believe him, that I don't believe "in" him.  Wow....that is the LAST thing I would want....

     The world struggles so much with judging and comparing each other.  Everyone has a different genetic code (read: pain tolerance), a different upbringing (read: 1st born, last born), a different story, a different struggle, and a different place they are coming from.  We need to realize that most people are fundamentally trying to do their best but all of us are in a wounded state of one degree or another.

     So I work hard to make sure to show love....what's the worst thing compassion can bring?  He may never toughen up, but if the trade is that he and I remain connected and close....I'll take a softie!

Michael Sam....You're so gay....

     I don't follow sports.  I do however hear about things like the Michael Sam kiss thing.  So I guess he was a projected 3rd round pick and then came out as gay and was taken in the 7th (last) round?  And if there is any "guy's sport" its football.

     100 years ago, a picture on the internet :) of a woman in short pants would've caused a stir.  50 years ago a picture of an inter racial couple kissing would've caused an uproar.  Those things seem kind of benign now (except to Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy maybe).

     So where are we going to be in the future about a couple of gay men kissing on the interwebs??

     I was told, "yes but God doesn't talk about mixed races in the bible and he does talk against homosexuality"...  (Moses was married to Zipporah, an Ethiopian).  But the bible does talk harshly about fornicators (unmarried folks getting busy....) in the exact same light as homosexuality.  So in that vain, wouldn't the "bible" be against unmarried college players "putting it out there" on draft day with a sloppy kiss on their girlfriends?  How far do we want to take our selective outrage or shock or disgust on things???

     In the end, I think that I'm of a "generation" that is probably a little shocked when I see a couple dudes kissing, but that is more visceral.  It's in the same way I am shocked when I see a kid walk up with 4-5 piercings in their face.  I think maturity allows you to see things beyond the visceral reaction and use your logic (and love).  Too often we search for support for our emotional/gut reactions rather than slowing things down to think objectively.

     I wish Michael Sam the best.  He's gay.  I don't think that's the way life is "supposed" to be.  You often hear homosexuals comment they wish they weren't as it would make life so much easier.  But really I think that any uproar is fear based.  Do we think that if we don't act outraged are we condoning the behavior?  If we think it through, is this a worse "sin" than others???

     I'm not outraged.  In fact, I don't really think about it at all beyond this blog.  It has nothing to do with me or my life......leave the guy alone

Coach or cheerleader? You can't be both....

     Sitting at Luke's baseball game last night, I was reminded of the idea that you can be your kids coach or cheerleader...but not both.

     In sports, the coach's job is not to tell you your great, its to teach and correct mistakes to help you get better.  The coach is there to look at you with a critical eye.  Their real value lies in fixing your mistakes and telling you where you get it wrong.  If you are losing, the coach is full of criticism.  If you are winning, the coach is still looking for ways to help you be even better.  It's nothing personal.

     The cheerleaders, however, have a vastly different role.  Their role is to encourage and motivate by being positive and upbeat.  Whether the team is winning or losing, the cheerleader's function is to keep cheering.  When the game is all but lost, the cheerleaders might be the only ones on the field acting as if you can still pull it out.

     As parents, we can get trapped into taking personally when our kids are taking their eye off the ball, not holding the glove high enough, or making an error.  In our efforts to "help" them, we may be turning ourselves into the role of coach in the eyes of our little ones without realizing it.  How many adults look back and see a critical parent from their childhood that was always pointing out their mistakes?  They had a parent who fell into the role of coach and not cheerleader.

     On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice if your kids memories of you as a parent were that you were always standing behind them, always encouraging them, always giving them the feeling that you were rooting for them?

     Do you want to be a cheerleader or a coach?