Lexapro diaries pt 2-going off the medication

     I have taken lexapro since Sept 2011.  It was actually a good thing :)

     I was explained that the way it was supposed to work for me was kind of like this:

Imagine a large meadow or field of grass.  There are paths that get worn down from you're walking that way over the years.  Habits, reactions, ways of doing things if you will.  When you take this medication and go through counseling, its going to allow you to take different paths through the meadow.  Create new habits and reactions to things.

     Before I began taking the medication, I always wondered why in conflict I couldn't react the way I wanted to.  In short, I seemed to always over react.  If friends could ask me about relationships, I could give GREAT insight and advice.  But I just could not travel down that path myself in the heat of battle.

     The lexapro (plus counseling) made all the difference to me.  I was finally able to listen.  I was able to sit and think about how I was going to react and respond to something.  I was finally able to walk a new path.  Of course no one is perfect, but my reaction to conflict changed very much for the better.

     I decided a few months ago (with the consent of my doctor) that it was time to get off of the medication.  It was never meant to be a long term medicine for people I am told.  And 7 years was probably a little longer than recommended.  The idea was that at this point, I had created the new habits, the new pathways through the meadow.  I had changed my behavior.

     It was a curious time though because there was the "what if I become like the old me" question.  My friend asked me the other day, knowing its been 2 months, how I was feeling without the medication.  Did I notice a difference.  I don't.  I feel like I'm walking through the new paths that I established with the medicine.  I guess I still know the choice is there to lose it over things, but I just don't really do that anymore.

     So I guess taking the medication but not having something you're actively working to change isn't really helpful.  I'm walking the path I want to walk.

     And here's something VERY curious.  The numbness I discussed in the last lexapro diaries posting, it's going away.  I've cried many times in the last 2 months reading books, watching a show, and a few times just thinking about some things.  It's the strangest thing.

     There's still things in my life that I wonder "Should I care more about this?"  But I just chalk it up to my reactions/responses to stressful situations as being retrained.

     So there it is.  The latest in the lexapro diaries....

5 things my kids need to know so they don't mess up their lives

     I have a 15 year old boy starting high school.  To make matters worse, a friend of mine said, "He's the most good looking kid I've ever seen."  Then my wife told me last week, "I think we're about to embark on a wild ride."

     I wish that I could do some things over in my life but even more I wish that my kids would take my advice on a few things.

1. Sex.

     Do NOT get going down this road before you are in a committed relationship AND are prepared (not necessarily ready, but prepared) to have a child.  Having a baby is a game changer.  MTV may make TV shows about teen moms and dads, but it is not worth the risk.

     Aside from pregnancy, all it takes is the wrong sexually transmitted disease and it can stick with you for your whole life.

     Condoms break all the time.  And there is no warning bell to tell you until its too late.  Just wait till you're older.  Please.

2. Alcohol or Drugs.

     There's a difference between having a drink and drinking to get drunk.  Sadly many kids drink to get drunk.  Or do drugs to get high.

     Bad things can happen when you lower your inhibitions.  Things you would love to do normally but your self-control allows you to make the right choices all the sudden become easier to do when drugs or alcohol are involved.

     Unfortunately, the "everyone is doing it" argument is sadly sort of true.  A large percentage of kids these days experiment.  But there are plenty who don't.  Guess what?  You won't regret waiting till you are older to experiment with having a drink.  And drugs are illegal for a reason.

     Every week there is another story about some unknown substance that caused a problem or death in a child who tried a drug.  You really cannot tell what is in the stuff that's out there.  Many times it is very dangerous.  On top of this, you can never tell how your body is going to react to things.

3. Fighting.

     Fighting rarely if ever solves problems.  I know emotions run high but aside from the dangers of fighting (weapons can get involved, injury/death, arrests, etc...) there is a strength MUCH greater than showing aggression, it is self-control.  It is a much greater display or power to hold back from fighting than to do it.

     Fighting often leads to more fighting.  Be the bigger person and let it go.
   
4. Risk taking.

     This encompasses a lot.  From physically dangerous things to the 3 things above.  Learn to override that voice that says, "It's fine, nothing will happen to me".  And weigh the risks.  (What if....)  As a parent we worry so much about you doing things that will "probably" be okay, but might go catastrophically wrong if one little unforseen thing happens.  

     The world can be a fun place without being so dangerous.

5. Realize that your friends will never love and care for you like your family.  Remember that when deciding who to listen to.


     In the story of Adam and Eve, God was the perfect parent and they STILL made a huge wrong choice in the garden.  We are far from perfect parents and so we can't expect you to be perfect either.  When you make mistakes, we will figure it out.  When you fall down, we'll try to help you up.  We've been there, made the mistakes and hope we can save you the trouble.

Harden the F up!

     I have 3 children.  One of them (the youngest) is in the school nurse's office a few times a week; always seems to have an ailment.  I took him to a cardiologist (don't ask) a few months ago and after he examined him the doc pulled me aside and said, "Is he...would you say...usually dramatic?".  My oldest one on the other hand literally stopped crying over pain at age 3 or 4.  I recall being at a birthday party and he took a header off of a plastic play slide.  I was standing with 2 other dads and one of them got a little concerned as he watched it happen and said, "Whoa!  Is he okay???".  The other dad turned to him an said, "You don't know Noah....".

     What's the point?  I guess the point is that I have to work hard to convey to my other 2 kids (and myself) that there is no one in the world that is you.  So when you see their struggles and you gauge them against "what you would do or have done", there is a good chance you are being unfair, un-compassionate, unloving.  At the very least, you are making a judgment that is based on a guess and not reality.  Do I think my youngest "really" has a tummy ache everyday, chest pain on occasion, terrible pain from a superficial scratch that brings him to tears???  Or do I think he might be crying wolf a little?  Well....maybe a little bit of both.  :)

     It's so hard to not just tell him to toughen up, quit complaining, look at his brother, you can't be serious, c'mon!, etc....  But I think to myself, what is the end point on that kind of treatment?  I'd like to think it is that he learns to "be tough".  And while that may be true, I believe that the other likely outcome is that he learns that his relationship with his dad is not a safe one to express hurts and pain and upsets.  That I don't believe him, that I don't believe "in" him.  Wow....that is the LAST thing I would want....

     The world struggles so much with judging and comparing each other.  Everyone has a different genetic code (read: pain tolerance), a different upbringing (read: 1st born, last born), a different story, a different struggle, and a different place they are coming from.  We need to realize that most people are fundamentally trying to do their best but all of us are in a wounded state of one degree or another.

     So I work hard to make sure to show love....what's the worst thing compassion can bring?  He may never toughen up, but if the trade is that he and I remain connected and close....I'll take a softie!

Michael Sam....You're so gay....

     I don't follow sports.  I do however hear about things like the Michael Sam kiss thing.  So I guess he was a projected 3rd round pick and then came out as gay and was taken in the 7th (last) round?  And if there is any "guy's sport" its football.

     100 years ago, a picture on the internet :) of a woman in short pants would've caused a stir.  50 years ago a picture of an inter racial couple kissing would've caused an uproar.  Those things seem kind of benign now (except to Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy maybe).

     So where are we going to be in the future about a couple of gay men kissing on the interwebs??

     I was told, "yes but God doesn't talk about mixed races in the bible and he does talk against homosexuality"...  (Moses was married to Zipporah, an Ethiopian).  But the bible does talk harshly about fornicators (unmarried folks getting busy....) in the exact same light as homosexuality.  So in that vain, wouldn't the "bible" be against unmarried college players "putting it out there" on draft day with a sloppy kiss on their girlfriends?  How far do we want to take our selective outrage or shock or disgust on things???

     In the end, I think that I'm of a "generation" that is probably a little shocked when I see a couple dudes kissing, but that is more visceral.  It's in the same way I am shocked when I see a kid walk up with 4-5 piercings in their face.  I think maturity allows you to see things beyond the visceral reaction and use your logic (and love).  Too often we search for support for our emotional/gut reactions rather than slowing things down to think objectively.

     I wish Michael Sam the best.  He's gay.  I don't think that's the way life is "supposed" to be.  You often hear homosexuals comment they wish they weren't as it would make life so much easier.  But really I think that any uproar is fear based.  Do we think that if we don't act outraged are we condoning the behavior?  If we think it through, is this a worse "sin" than others???

     I'm not outraged.  In fact, I don't really think about it at all beyond this blog.  It has nothing to do with me or my life......leave the guy alone