He who blames others.....

 "He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived."

This ancient Chinese proverb resonates deeply with me.  First and foremost because I think that my past is laden with me being harshly judgmental towards people (under the guise of being a faithful Christian).  However secondly because as a reformed judger :) I think that I see that life is complex and people are all different.  What might be something that is easy for me, may be hard for another.  And conversely what may be a piece of cake for one person, may cause me great struggle.

It seems natural to search for someone or something to point the finger at for our feelings and situations.  And sometimes it's easier than other times.  Like a drunk driver that plowed into our car.  Blame comes fairly easy.  But what of situations that aren't so clear cut?

I think this proverb has applicable wisdom particularly when applied to interpersonal relationships and assignment of character flaws.  

You hurt my feelings, you let me down, you made me miserable, it's YOUR fault.  The world of relationships is far more complex than this.  It's a reason some states have a divorce called a "no fault" divorce.  Because there is so much to the break up that can go back as far as each spouse wants it to.  

You're lazy, try harder, you gave up, you're a quitter.  All ways we attack a person's character in judging the decisions they make.  Everyone fights an internal battle, most we can't see and don't know the background.  As well, some are built to suffer longer than others and we cannot blame one person for not having the capacity of another.

The saddest thing that this blame issue creates is the difficulty in forgiving.  If I have a person that I assign all or most of the blame to for something, then I can often struggle to forgive them versus if I gave the grace of understanding that there is complexity in the situations, in the person's capacity and journey.

1. Blame others-you have a long way to go

2. Blame yourself- you're halfway there

3. Blame no one-you have arrived

Sex-marriage or not?

Recently I was speaking to one of the teenagers about sex and its context within marriage or not. I communicated that I didn’t necessarily think sex was only for marriage. However I do think that marriage provides much of the context that should be considered when deciding whether to engage in sexual activity.

What I mean is that I believe that sex should be reserved for BOTH of the following:

1. Committed relationships
2. Times in life that you are prepared (mentally, socially, financially, etc…) to deal with the consequences that come along with pregnancy.

Committed relationships are important because sexual relationships (like it or not) mean a lot. They are chemically bonding between 2 people. And if you are not in a committed relationship with the person there’s probably a reason. Either the person isn’t someone you want to be with long term or you aren’t psychologically ready for a commitment. In either case, creating a chemical bond with someone in those cases is a bad idea.

Then the other side of things is the readiness to deal with pregnancy. I made the analogy about driving above the speed limit. If you are going to take that risk, you should be ready to accept that if things don’t go your way that you will have to pay a speeding ticket and higher insurance premiums.

If things don’t go your way with sex (meaning you have a pregnancy before you are prepared for one) then you have to know you are going to need to deal with that.

So in reality, marriage often does fit the criteria for sexual preparedness. But deconstructing it even further, I think that you must make sure that you have thought it through all the way.

The happy marriage trap

     I have a close friend that is in the middle of a divorce.  After nearly 20 years.  The only explanation I'm hearing is that the spouse wasn't happy.

     I've been married almost 21 years.  I have had some periods where I felt unhappy.  I have had a few periods that I felt happy.  But by and large I have been neither happy nor unhappy.  It's not an either or.

     Saying I want to be happy is basically chasing perfection.  If I am happy with a situation, its going great and I have no complaints.  Nothing can change to make it better.

     There's a difference in being happy with your situation and being happy in your situation.

     I think that very few spouses are happy.  Most people would agree that their marriage isn't perfect.

MYTH 1: If I'm not happy, I'm unhappy.

     On the other hand, unhappy is an entirely different animal.  If you are unhappy, I think that you should seriously consider getting out of the situation you are in.  If you are unhappy, you cannot be happy.  However, if you are not happy, it doesn't mean you are unhappy.

      I have a suspicion that my friend's spouse has found themselves in a position that they aren't unhappy, however internally some things have shifted that makes them realize that in this marriage there is no longer even the potential to be happy.

     Hope and potential are powerful things.  They can keep you in a situation that isn't happy, yet isn't unhappy either.  I suspect my friend's spouse lost hope or saw no potential and then finally decided to be done.  They will probably end up in a situation that gives them more hope and potential, but not likely the happy they are after.

MYTH 2: Everyone has the potential to be happy.

     As for me and my 21 year "secret".  I have found that I live each day in the present as best as I can.  I try not to look at the past nor the future.  I try to accept things and people for the way they are today and make decisions based on today.  Do I want to be "happy"?  I suppose I do, but based on who I am, I may never be able to have that, or I may, who knows.  I have no idea or any way to tell if that's in my future.  I can only work to be the best me and most accepting me today.

Lexapro diaries pt 2-going off the medication

     I have taken lexapro since Sept 2011.  It was actually a good thing :)

     I was explained that the way it was supposed to work for me was kind of like this:

Imagine a large meadow or field of grass.  There are paths that get worn down from you're walking that way over the years.  Habits, reactions, ways of doing things if you will.  When you take this medication and go through counseling, its going to allow you to take different paths through the meadow.  Create new habits and reactions to things.

     Before I began taking the medication, I always wondered why in conflict I couldn't react the way I wanted to.  In short, I seemed to always over react.  If friends could ask me about relationships, I could give GREAT insight and advice.  But I just could not travel down that path myself in the heat of battle.

     The lexapro (plus counseling) made all the difference to me.  I was finally able to listen.  I was able to sit and think about how I was going to react and respond to something.  I was finally able to walk a new path.  Of course no one is perfect, but my reaction to conflict changed very much for the better.

     I decided a few months ago (with the consent of my doctor) that it was time to get off of the medication.  It was never meant to be a long term medicine for people I am told.  And 7 years was probably a little longer than recommended.  The idea was that at this point, I had created the new habits, the new pathways through the meadow.  I had changed my behavior.

     It was a curious time though because there was the "what if I become like the old me" question.  My friend asked me the other day, knowing its been 2 months, how I was feeling without the medication.  Did I notice a difference.  I don't.  I feel like I'm walking through the new paths that I established with the medicine.  I guess I still know the choice is there to lose it over things, but I just don't really do that anymore.

     So I guess taking the medication but not having something you're actively working to change isn't really helpful.  I'm walking the path I want to walk.

     And here's something VERY curious.  The numbness I discussed in the last lexapro diaries posting, it's going away.  I've cried many times in the last 2 months reading books, watching a show, and a few times just thinking about some things.  It's the strangest thing.

     There's still things in my life that I wonder "Should I care more about this?"  But I just chalk it up to my reactions/responses to stressful situations as being retrained.

     So there it is.  The latest in the lexapro diaries....

What I believe part 2

     A guy asked me about my faith recently.  It led to quite a conversation.  My beliefs have really continued to change as the years have gone on.  Here was part one of my beliefs I wrote 5/12/15: previous blog It discussed creation, the bible, homosexuality, Jesus, etc....

Here is some of what we discussed:

1. Personal God, impersonal God, hands-on, hands-off:

     I think that my traditional understanding has always been that we have a personal hands-on God.  Pray and God hears you.  Pray enough and you can change things.  But the more I live and see and experience, I am starting to think that we have a personal God that is hands-off.  In other words, the world was set in motion and now its going and he is sitting back watching.  But I think there is a personal vesting or interest in our lives as well.

     Thinking of God as a father to all of us, makes it easier for me to try to wrap my head and heart around things.  If I raise my kids and send them off into the world, now life is up to them.  If they do well, I celebrate with them.  If they fall on hard times, I'm sad with them.  But should I be getting involved in their problems?  If I want them to stand on their own 2 feet, then I'd say no I shouldn't.  They are always welcome to come over for dinner, but don't expect me to hand out $ to bail them out of problems.  I have 3 kids, what if I had 3 billion?  Then I kinda need to be rooting for them, but not living their lives.  What if they beg me?  Isn't this kinda like prayer?  Does begging get me to intervene in their lives???  I mean it shouldn't.  Maybe once in a GREAT while I might show up and do something completely unexpected.  But it should never be expected.

     And then when my kids are grown ups, am I punishing them ever for their mistakes?  I'd say no.  I'd say life and mistakes are punishment enough.  I'm in their corner sitting with them in their mess, sad right along side of them.  But I'm not orchestrating a punishment for their behavior....  There is a saying, "sin is its own punishment".  I'm not ever withholding love or withholding protection anymore than I'm ever arbitrarily giving favor to one child over the other.  So why would God be any different if I'm made in his image?

2. Animals versus humans....evil versus altruism.....consciousness versus instinct

     As humans, we are animals.  We're an animal with a brain that has evolved to have a consciousness.  I think that when that happened, we became aware.  We began to think about creation and the start of this whole thing.  I'm not entirely sure how God may have begun to interact with us.  I mean along with consciousness comes the yearning to know our creator and the desire to make sense of it all. 

    Science will tell you (pretty strongly) evolution has occurred, that there were other humans besides us (homo-sapiens).  So what's the problem if a creator began the whole show and evolution took us to animals that became conscious-which would be in the image of God (the ultimate form of consciousness some would say)?  It doesn't have to be an either/or.

     So now evil as we call it, happens when we (sadly) embrace our animal nature and instincts.  But what happens when we embrace our consciousness?  Love, empathy, forgiveness, altruism.  Those are very scarce qualities in the animal kingdom.  They happen within family lines, but you never see a hyena calling over to the jackal to share the carcass.  So are you a conscious animal?  I am.  So act like one, don't just act like an animal.  Act with the gifts that came with the consciousness.


3. Other religious faiths:

     I think that religion is a cultural phenomenon.  I was born in a Christian nation.  Go back 2,500 years and there was no such thing.  What about those born in a Muslim nation?  Hindu?  Etc....

     So what does that mean?  I guess I don't really know.  If my concept of us being children of God is accurate, then maybe the new command Jesus gave in John 13:34-35, (to love one another and that is how we will know that we are his followers), is the criteria we need to use to decide if we are indeed following God. 

     What about all the other extra stuff besides that?  I don't know, what about it?  I mean there are funny things about us humans that makes us exhibit a tribalism that causes us to want to be better/different than those "others".  In and within all religious faiths a layer gets placed on top of loving one another.  This succeeds in turning the focus into an "us" versus "them".   The added layers might even be well meaning and well intentioned in order to "keep us on track" in our efforts to be loving.

     But consider that if we are children of God.  What kind of sense does it make for me to promote my kids to go off in three different directions of exclusivity (Christian, Jew, Muslim) if that is something that really matters?  Unless maybe the only thing that "really" matters is not how they worship, but how they love?? 

Lexapro diaries

     I've taken a small dose of Lexapro since September of 2011.  I was dealing with a stressful time in my life and a Physician's Assistant friend suggested that I needed to get on an anti-anxiety medication.  He had known me at that point since 1991 and remarked that I'd "always" needed this because of my personality.

     The background is that I grew up in a chaotic home getting in lots of trouble through early childhood into adolescence.  Boundaries were virtually nonexistent and that caused me to push my life and people in it very hard to feel in control.  I built businesses, I ran multi-day races, ultra-marathons, immersed myself in ministries, went to college as an adult to complete various degrees, etc etc etc.

     So the stress of 2011 was a culmination of 40 years spent running my life as fast as I could.  All along, inside my head would spin fast and almost out of control in times of conflict.  Enter medication and a life that changed for the better.

     In these 7+ years, I have learned to slow life down and react far less to stresses.  But there is a down side....I've come to realize that my emotions are almost numbed.  I enjoy not having lows and periods of being upset about things.  But it also takes away a lot of the highs and excitement that life produces.  I stay almost entirely level and things don't really bother me nor do they excite me.

     I am able to stay focused at work and get a lot done steadily because very little distracts me.  The old me would deal with periods of distraction due to becoming hyper focused on something because it either bothered me or interested me to such a degree.

     I used to get very upset and frustrated when the kids would not meet my expectations or when my wife would not understand me.  Now I have an almost apathetic attitude towards things.  Feeling that its not really up to me to worry beyond what I can control.  I just do what I think is my best and if its not enough I just resolve to learn and try better in the future vs. getting upset.

     So here we are.  I sometimes wonder what things would be like if I discontinue the medication.  Would I be happier and sadder at the same time??  Would I get more from life?  Or would it control me like it used to.

     This medication wasn't supposed to be forever.  My doctor seemed to indicate that along with the counseling I went through, it would be a thing that would help "re-wire" the pathways in my brain into new habits and characteristics.  But yet I'm still here taking the dose and wondering if I'm "normal" or if I'm "abnormal".  The funny part about it all though is that I don't really care all that much....all part of the change I guess.

The long crossfit journey 2011-2017

     This is my 6th Crossfit open.  I didn't start this sport until I turned 40 and prior to that I was never a college athlete.  I was a desk working endurance athlete that did ultra-marathons and adventure racing.  So essentially I came from a background of limited strength and athletic ability.  Slow and steady was how I ran races.

2012

     I started CF in Sept of 2011 and so I went into the 2012 open with about 5-6 months of training.  Back then there were only 25,000 men registered.  This was the year of the 7 minutes of burpees.....no one liked that.

I finished 15591st in the world and 914th in the region.  Basically 62nd % world and 61st % region.

2013

     I moved over to my current box in Nov 2012.  So I went into this years open a few months later.  I had a solid year + of CF under my belt by now.  I remember this year having forever to stare at the rings and attempt a muscle up.  I got none.  This year the open had 52,000 men registered.

I finished 30176th in the world and 1579th in the region.  57.8% and 58%.  So not a whole lot better....

2014

     This was a solid year under the training and programming of Blair Morrison.  Things were coming along.  I remember the chipper 14.4 and getting ONE muscle up!  I was over joyed.  I still didn't really "have them" until later this year.  My 14 yo son at the time was doing them strict.....  Anyhow, this year there were 80,000 men registered!  Whoa.

I finished 15678th in the world and 745th in the region.  19.5% and 20%.  What a difference coaching and programming made.

* This year they added 40 years old to masters.  I was 759th (of 8100).  Only the top 200 go to the next round and only 20 of those go to the games.

2015

     This year 15.3 had 7 muscle ups to start the 14 min workout.  I ended up getting 14 muscle ups in that one and knew that I had finally "HAD them"!  153,000 men registered this year-unreal.

I finished 16943rd in the world and 760th in the region.  11% and 12%.

* Masters I was 711th (of 17340).  Still a ways off from even the qualifiers!

2016

     2016 was the year of the bar muscle up.  I broke my wrist back in 2012 on a failed clean.  Ended up having surgery on both later.   My grip tends to be a chronic problem.  In spite of that, it was a good year nonetheless.  178,500 men registered this year.

I finished 16915th in the world and 643rd in the region.  9% and 10%.

* Masters 677th (of 20940) and at this rate I'll make the masters qualifier workouts in 20 years....

2017

    This was going to be my breakout year.  I was moving into the 45 yo age group, I was stronger and fitter than ever.  Then my body started to tell me it was 45.....It's funny but I got sick before the open (and blew 17.1) and this last year in spite of being stronger and fitter, has been a tough one with nagging aches and pains.  Pretty lame!!!  This year 214,500 men registered!!  Are you kidding?!?!

I finished 29689th in the world and 968th in the region. (which drags me down a bit % wise, but it was a throw away year after 17.1)

* As a 45 y/o, I was 601st (of 14200-(must be attrition from other people falling apart too!))

     All in all, its been a very rewarding experience for my over these last 5-6 years.  There are much more genetically blessed individuals than I.  There are younger individuals than I.  But I can only control how hard I work and for the time I'm in the gym, there are few that get more out of the time they put in.

     I've been lucky to end up in a gym like the one I'm at and train with the guys that I train with.  I may never make the qualifiers, but I won't stop trying.  And each year is a success as long as I give it all I have and can sleep at night knowing that I tried.

The message of no confidence

     Kathy and I were discussing the fact this morning that she makes breakfast for the 3 kids every morning before school.  They are 11, 15, and 16.  She then recalled how she was getting her own breakfast from a very early age.  I said that I remember my mom making me scrambled eggs and toast in high school but I couldn't decide if that was just a sweet memory or if it happened everyday.

     In anycase, we discussed the idea of the importance of the kids learning to fend for themselves balanced with the desire to create those fond memories.

     In part we do things for our kids out of convenience (its easier for us) and also because we want things done right.  But mistakes are part of the learning curve.

     We have the choice to rescue our kids or let them struggle and learn to do things for themselves.  The constant rescue sends the message of no confidence in them.  A message of no confidence tells them you see them as incapable.  Letting them struggle however ends up creating self reliance and independence.  But it also feels like you are turning your back on them.  "Hey, help me out here!".  No....

     And so it can feel uncaring and uncomfortable to tell kids "Do it yourself", when they are asking for help.  Obviously making breakfast is probably not exactly a life or death situation.  But in general there is a mindset that needs to be shifted into as the kids get older.  One that moves from us doing for them to them doing for themselves.

     But it's hard to know that line.  It's hard especially when you have a 16 year old and an 11 year old.  One is entirely capable while the other is just kind of getting there with things.  Plus as they age you are surprised by their growing abilities-they aren't your helpless babies anymore.  And maybe you want to hold on to them as your babies to a degree.

     I guess we learn as we go and there isn't really a formula.  It's important to have the support of others going through the parenting thing to lean on though.  I don't want to be a jerk but I also don't want to create a helpless adult.  Such a dilemma......

I grew up fighting

     A few weeks ago I was out with friends and the subject came up of some guy getting in another guys face and how the one backed down and was quite meek about it.  And to me it was kind of crazy to think of this.  But one of the guys we were out with said, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?"

     I almost fell out of my chair.  I mean sure, a guy calls you a name, who cares.  Or someone cuts you off in traffic or flips you off, so what.  But when the guy is pushing you around and threatening you????  It just seemed like there was really NO other choices but to finish what this guy was starting.....

     Let's move backwards for a second.  Some of my youngest memories are of either seeing people fight in my family or me actually fighting.  (Second grade was one of my 1st serious fights-5th grade David Milligan brutally beat the shit out of me, and then there's the note in kindergarden when I pulled the knife on Tray....)

 So for me, this was a default until I turned 18.  After I turned 18 I knew that I'd go to jail.  But there was one time about 7-8 years ago...  I was in a business meeting and one of the doctors was questioning the way I was running our partnership.  We were getting snippy with each other and he said "fuck you".....Up I went, grabbed him and physically removed him from the meeting room.  I'm lucky I didn't go to jail?!?!?  What the hell was I thinking?

     Son thereafter I learned to slow things down and think rationally.  (read: my life long anxiety got treated).  Even since then though I've had escalations that at the time seemed "reasonable" but then looking back were not how I would re-do them.  But if you are wired to fight, it is a weird thing to have someone challenge you and to back down meekly.  But I gained a huge perspective and admiration for the guy who said to me, "who cares, what would be the point of fighting?".  He's right!  Do I want my sons fighting or do I want them self-confident enough to know fighting is stupid and gets you no where?

     We always have a choice to escalate a situation or try to de-escalate it.  What takes more strength of character?  What is more impressive?  The guy who is challenged and beats another guy into a pulp or the guy who can make the situation go away by backing down?  De-escalation is a skill we are seldom taught as little boys :(

     Always growing, always learning and always hoping to be a better man than I was in the past.  Sadly its a long road from where I started!!

It shouldn't be this hard!!!

     I've heard this over the years from many folks and about many situations.

Let's start with getting ripped abs....what the heck?!?!?  It shouldn't be this hard.  And especially as I get older it gets harder (I assume....since I've never really put in the work to have them:))

Relationships.  Marriage shouldn't be this hard!!

Parenting.  Raising a kid to make good decisions shouldn't be this hard!

Money.  Making half a million dollars a year shouldn't be this hard!!!!

Running a marathon, deadlifting 500 lbs, finishing medical school, etc....

    Guess what bitches?

ANYTHING worth a fuck, is not going to come easy.....

"yeah but it shouldn't be this hard......"

     In the real world, some things come easier for others than they do you.  Maybe you're a hot mess because your parents never showed you they loved you.  Guess what?  Relationships are going to be hard for you.  Maybe you are built like a marathon runner.  Guess what?  A 500lb deadlift probably is not going to be very easy for you.  Maybe you were an impulsive/unpredictable kid from a home where chaos reigned.  Guess what?  Parenting (and plenty of other things) may be hard for you because of many reasons.....

Are you getting the picture?  So what now?  Give up?  Settle for mediocre?  

Maybe.  I mean who "really" cares about a 500 lb deadlift.  But if you do, by all means, keep putting in the work!  Do you really want to be a doctor?  Well if not, switch gears and do something easier.  Or buckle down and realize that its going to take some work.

     At the end of the day, know what matters, who matters, and put your energies in the right places.  Count on the right people.  Have a support system.  Love one another through the "hard work" and it gets easier to get to the other side of your goals.  

Know who is on your team rooting for you and who is not and is working against your journey.  (cupcakes and ice cream are working against your desire for ripped abs-in case you didn't know....)

But by all means, and this is the key, you can't make it through life alone.  Find a relationship (hard or not) and hang on to get the good stuff in life!!

All pizza is generally good-all crossfit generally works. But some pizza is better than others....

    I have committed to 6 weeks away from the box I train at because of a desire to address some lingering mobility issues before the open.  The reason I can't train at my box is that the owner won't let you deviate from his programming.  And I generally stay 30 minutes after the class each time anyway to fill in the holes (by my definition) in the programming.  But now I'm customizing my warmups to address these lingering issues and I just don't have the time if I stay at my box to do this and still plug in the other holes.

     Big deal right?  Well I know of at least 7 members ranging from competitors to regular exercisers complain about the programming and some leave because of it.  What do I mean specifically??

     Well let's start with the pizza analogy.  I like pizza.  It's all actually pretty good to me.   However, I've eaten a lot of pizza in my 45 years.  And so Pizza Hut might have been "great" when I first tried it.  I've since become a bit more nuanced about pizza and I actually like a new york style, thin crust, margherita pizza.  There's a local place that has a bunch of options for pizza too that are really good and kind of serve whatever mood you're in.  So while Pizza Hut is still "fine", I've come to see that it has some limitations.

     Let's move on to the box I train at now.  If you're just starting crossfit, it's great.  Even if you have been doing CF for 5 years like me, it's still good and you will still make progress.  Because like pizza, in general all crossfit is good.  But our guy likes to "take people out of their comfort zone".  And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.  But it is kind of a "take it or leave it thing".  And so as I said, I end up training an extra 30 minutes after every workout to plug in the holes.  Because there are a lot of days we are doing things like practicing headstands for 10 minutes, freestyle dancing, playing partner volleyball, swimming, crab soccer, etc....

     Is it what most members want?  Lots would say no.  Is it what we need?  I guess that depends on your perspective.  But in the business world, consumers are supposed to rule to a point.  And when people start complaining, you start to see that customers are not getting what they want.
   
     So what's the solution?  I think that if you are a box owner then regular business principles apply.  Find out what the customers want and find a way to deliver.  No one should be dreading the workout because they feel like its wasting their time.  Of course you can't please everyone, but then again a pizza place that only serves one kind of pizza might have a die hard group of customers, but eventually when the place that is more customer driven opens up down the block, then the owner is going to have to re-evaluate.....

The truth about deloading

     I have not deloaded since Feb 2015.

     Ultimately deloading is a fancy way to say, "I need a break before I can dial it back up again".  In reality, I did Fran the other day and I needed to "deload" for about 15 minutes before I could think about doing anything else.  My partners left....(pussies)

     Years ago, I was training Mon Tues, Thur, Fri, Sat.  Of those days, I was waking up at 4:50am M,Tu,Th,F.  I found that after about 3 weeks at it I needed a whole week to "deload".  I was shot and so it was a needed rest week.

     Do you really need to deload for a whole week?  Do you even need to deload for a day?  Not necessarily.  It depends on your program, your anatomy and physiology, and your sleep and nutrition.  There is no 1 size fits all.

     When a person tells you that you need a rest or deload week and they don't know all of those factors, they are basically telling you what "they" do.  In the words of Donnie Thompson, "be your own coach"!

Factors in recovery

How old are you?
Are you sleeping enough?
Are you eating enough?
Are you taking steroids?
Is your body healthy?

Age matters.  When you are younger, consider that you are on natural steroids.  You have hormones secreting that allow you to repair tissue better, absorb nutrients better, and you likely have healthy joints.  (And you probably don't have the same stresses as us old people-kids, mortgage, thinning hair, etc...)

Sleep.  When I changed the routine from M,Tu,Th,F,Sat to M,W,F,Sat,  I went from limited sleep 4 days a week (and honestly I couldn't really sleep in W at that point) to limited sleep only 3 days a week.  And sleep matters.

Food.  I started paying attention to my protein (and overall calorie) intake when I started the RP diet last year.  It made a difference in my tissue rebuilding and energy.

Steroids.  If you are taking them, good for you.  Likely you are recovering like a teenager.  :)

Healthy joints.  At my advanced age (ha!) I have bad joints all over the place.  By limiting my days that I train on consecutive days, I've found that my body feels WAY better and far less beat up.

Hard training days per month

     When I was training 5 days a week, I was needing a deload every 4th week.  So in reality I was training hard 15 days a month.  Now I never need a deload week and train 4 days a week.  That's 16 hard training days a month.  Hmmm....

     So really I think that if you are getting enough sleep and food and giving your joints the right kind of rest between sessions, you can "train as much as you can still recover".  If I didn't work for a living (necessitating me to train week days at 530am) and have a family that liked me to be home at night, shoot I'd train everyday!  I think that if you are smart and INDIVIDUAL in your programming and recovery efforts then you should be able to maximize your training without much worry!

     One size never fits all.

Using your car ride for warmup-wrists and shoulders

     I train at 530 am.  I don't want to show up to the gym early to warmup before class.  So I've learned to become resourceful on the drive over!

SHOULDERS

Most crossfitters shoulders take a beating.  One of the keys to getting them healthy and keeping them healthy is rotator cuff strengthening.  Here's the best pic I could find of what I sort of do:

I don't do 2 arms at once, but I do however perform banded external rotation for 1 arm at a time on the way to the gym.  Using the free arm to steer the car, the other arm can do external rotation while you sit on the opposite end of the band under the leg.  I do a set on the left, then a set on the right for upwards around 20-30 reps to get the muscles burning and alive.  Then I will do another set on each arm with the arm up in the frontal plane and it looks somewhat like this:

I still have the end of the band tucked under my opposing leg and I steer with my opposite arm.  I'll knock out a high rep burning set on each arm.  The key is to keep the elbow fixed in the air without moving it, all the while rotating through the shoulder joint.

WRISTS

     The other area I MUST warm up before I arrive are my wrists.  They both have ligament tears and have to be warm if I'm going to do barbell work or walk on my hands or burpees, etc....

     For the wrists I do the following:

1.  (open hand extensor stretch)

Seated in the drivers seat I keep an open hand and stretch one wrist at a time in between my legs on the seat with my fingers and wrist in the following position (this is the best pic I could come up with):

I'll do 30-60" each arm then switch to the following finger, wrist position:

2.  (hook grip flexor stretch)

Again, I'm doing 1 arm at a time in between my legs and posted on my seat.  The key to this hand position is to get your fingers into a hook grip with the thumbs wrapped by the fingers.  Another 30-60" per arm.

3. (hook grip wrist extensor stretch)   

I don't have a great pic but the last stretch is THE KEY STRETCH.  You keep the hook grip and turn the palm over so that it is on the seat in the same way as the 1st wrist stretch except now you are in a hookgrip.  This is the bread and butter the other 2 were leading up to.  Hold for 30-60" again.

    This sequence does absolute wonders for your front rack as well as gymnastic bar work, pushup/burpee position etc.....

Good luck!

(once I get to the gym, I do another 4 shoulder stretches from Dusty Hyland and then a little hip sequence and I'm ready to go!)

Intelligence, experience, love

     I've got 3 kids.  From an academic standpoint, I have a straight A student, another that gets lots of C's, and another that struggles to pass every year.

     I think I used to say things about the last 2 like, "oh they're smart, but just haven't found their way or their strengths yet.".  But the older these kids get, I start to think that maybe that some folks just aren't as smart as others.  I mean in life I have no problem thinking that about people I run into.  Some folks just need more time to "get things" that others "get" right away.  I guess we are a lot like computers, some people process fast, others slow.  And maybe some will never understand certain things that others do.  

     But this gauge isn't necessarily an indicator of 1. The kind of person they are and 2. their future success.  We all know the really smart person who screwed up their life or is just a straight up jerk.  And we all know the person who never did well in school but went on to be very successful in business and/or was the "nicest guy".

     So I guess I started to look at other things that might be attributes I can cultivate in my kids.  And I came up with Intelligence, experience, and love.

Intelligence

     I push my kids to do their best.  I ask them to be proud of working hard and achieving.  But I also realize that some folks might be what you call a C student. 

Experience

     In a way this is what some people call common sense.  The experiences of life.  But it is also a type of learning that is often not an academic type.  I'm currently more intelligent than my youngest son, but his experience on the computer blows my mind at what he can do.  And so I push the kids to get understanding of things through life and its encounters.

Love

     I believe this virtue is so very important to cultivate.  And it comes in many forms.  Kindness to people, to animals, respect for others as well as the earth.  Understanding that there is so much more in this life and world than just us as individuals.  The idea that we are a collective, a community.  And then the idea that relationships of a 1-on-1 nature are where we are supposed to be most safe and secure and learn real love.

     So I hope that this lack of "smarts" turns out to be a blessing for my family.  Because if I had 3 straight A students, I might fall into the trap of thinking that was the determinant of success.  I don't know because I don't have that.  What I do have are 3 kids that I think are really great people and each have their gifts and their struggles and I'm hoping they take the 3 virtues above and work on them the best they can but then at the end of the day be happy with who they are.

Mini blog #2- finding a rep max versus percentage work

   

      My training partner and I have made constant progress since February 2015.  I've said it all started with my attendance of Donny Shankle's seminar and his idea of finding a PR everyday.

     We have found that we have constantly improved in 90% of our weightlifting sessions by going for a " ___ rep max" on lifts instead of shooting for a specific # of reps at a specific percentage.  What I mean is that we will go for a heavy 2 rep overhead squat or a heavy paused back squat triple or a 5 rep max power snatch, etc.....

     So we will look to see what lift needs to be done, what rep scheme (out of 1, 2, 3, 5, or occasionally 10) and we will build to that for the day.  Always knowing what we did the last time we attempted that particular lift and reps, we have had constant success this last year at adding to all of our lifts.

     It flies in the face of a lot of conventional programming that promotes percentage work.  But we feel that percentage work tends to leave reps on the table, so to speak.  Very, very often I can do more than what is prescribed, and I realize that is often times by design, but once we switched to this particular method of programming/training, our results went through the roof.

     That's it, keeps it simple and keeps us progressing!

Mini blog #1 Trust me....let go of the life jacket

     You are floating in the middle of a rough sea.....you are desperately wearing a life jacket, afraid.   Someone you know well asks you to let go of the life jacket.  It sounds crazy to you because you see this as the only thing keeping you alive.  Without it you would surely drown.  In fact, you've had it on so long you really don't even notice you're wearing it anymore until it gets pointed out.

     They beg you to trust them.  They tell you that there is so much more to things than what you see.  You can't possibly imagine what could be so worth the risk of drowning.

This is the story of intimacy in relationships.  

     We must let go of what we see as safety (the defenses and walls we have up to keep us from deeper connection).  We must let down the walls that we have up that keep us in the shallow waters in order to go deep into relationships.  Vulnerability is built through revealing ourselves for possible rejection and disappointment.

     This quote tells us that doing what we fear most is necessary in order to reach what we truly desire in life.

Lower back workshop Crossfit anywhere Feb 21 2016

     This took too long to get to.  Been busy!!

Things to know:

• Lower back issues tend respond best to exercise interventions
• In general I find 3 things that most lower back issues require: A. Soft tissue release B. Stabilization/movement control C. Hip flexibility
• Purpose of the spine is stability (limiting motion) around powerful movers (hips)
• Worst things: 1. Loaded extension with a spine that is not rigid  2. Loaded flexion of the spine

Screening:

• Figure out what hurts.  Is it bending, twisting, reaching, squatting?  Are you moving right or is something limited?  What are your triggers?

Soft tissue release

• Supple leopard book, smashwerx (youtube channel), and many other sources.
• Lower back- release with a lacrosse ball (or tennis ball).  Basically find the painful spots and hang out on them for 30-60" and then find another.
  
• Psoas-Releases with a kettle bell on top of a lacrosse ball.  Same thing, hunt for the painful spots
  
   Or using a lacrosse ball or even larger softball
  
  
  
• Glutes-Release with a ball or foam roller.  This is less trigger point and more of a rolling through the muscle for several passes to loosen.

Stabilization

• This article is fantastic as it relates to core activation.  Essentially we want to learn to use the diaphram to push out and stabilize while also allowing us to breathe.  Versus the model of just tightening the abdominals.  It is a skill and must be attained. 
  

Hip Flexibility

• Hip flexibility is crucial to taking the pressure off of the spine.  If they move more, it will need to move less.
• The 2 things I prefer are as follows:

Ido Portal Squat routine-This sequence is amazing.  For some, sitting on a medball or small type volleyball may be a progression until they can support the stretches free.

Couch stretch-The Ido Portal routine can sometimes make your hips feel closed up and the couch stretch will open that back up

• Hamstrings, piriformis can be added if that is a particular area of tightness.  I'm a big fan of dynamic hamstring stretching in the form of a kick type stretch as follows:

however static stretching is also a fine way to stretch and has its place.

Ankles and calves

• For crossfit, if we want to squat and take pressure off of the spine, we must have flexible ankles and calves to allow the most upright torso.  Calf stretching and ankle joint stretching are easy enough as follows:

Pretty easy to hold for 30-60" a few times each side as needed

Shoulders and T-Spine

• Finally if we are looking at lumbar movement and the ability to control it, we must discuss the implications of raising the arms over head and tightness through the thoracic spine.  If your shoulders or midback are tight, your lower back will often arch to compensate when trying to go overhead with weight.  So as a movement prep to protect your lower back, we advise stretching out the shoulders into over flexion as well as the extension of the thoracic spine.

Movement specific technique and scaling

• Squats.  1. Without proper hip hinge and stabilization control you will have a hard time squatting without excess spinal movement.  This generally is a source of pain.  2. Without adequate mobility (hips and ankles), your torso will be difficult to maintain more upright and this will cause you to lean forward more and expose the back to stress.  3. Great scaling options are front squats, goblet squats, lunges with DB instead of in rack, etc...

• Ballistics.  Box jumps, double unders, coming down from the rig or bar after pullups or toes to bar.  1. These all require care to land with both feet simultaneously.  2. These all require adequate stabilization during the impact portion.  3. Scale with step ups/downs, smaller boxes to gain proficiency, single unders, building up steps to the rig, etc...

• Rowing.  Can be great, can be trouble.  1. If you like the rower and it causes no issues, row.  If it does give you back problems, consider shortening the forward flexing when reaching for the catch.  There is no issue with being less efficient on the row but more protective of your back position.  2. Stabilization in and away from positions of pain become important.  A lower damper setting will reduce torque allowing you to learn to build stabilization abilities over time.

• Running.  Heel strike and vertical displacement.  1. If you are a heel strike type of runner, you will tend to transfer force through chain that can find the weakest link and that can be your spine.  Smaller, more rapid strides tend to help reduce the tendency to heel strike  2. A general way to tell if you are transferring force up through the ground (versus dissipating it through your lower extremities) is if your head seems to be bouncing up and down while you run.  You should imagine running under a line with your head staying as level as possible.

• Deadlifts and Olympic lifting.  1. Working from the hang and doing power versions of Snatch and Clean & Jerk can make it much easier to manage heavier loads and control back pain.  2. Deadlifts off of blocks may be a reasonable scale/starting point until proficency is achieved with proper hip hinging, load tolerance, and/or mobility to achieve pulling from the floor.  3. Must keep a rigid spine throughout entire movement.

• Situps-I prefer the frog situp version (feet together, knees bent) with an ab mat.  Straight leg sit ups are discouraged.

• GHD situps-If you are not going to regionals, I would not do these.  

• L-sits, Hollow holds/rocks-As discussed, the spine was meant to limit movement.  These exercises are fantastic static movement limiters.

• Banded decompression-This is a fantastic way to unload the spine.  It also works well laying on a bench.

Snatch things I've learned

     I've been CF'ing since Sept 2011.  At some point in the beginning, I was attending a box that didn't emphasize the Oly lifts and I remember after class trying to replicate what I'd seen online.  I was 40, had limited mobility, limited fast twitch speed (coming from endurance running), and no understanding of the lift at all.  The coach said , "Travis, put the bar down before you get hurt."

     Since then I've picked up some things that I think many of you will know, some will not, and of course there are many more things that are important to add to this.

     1. Hand width is determined by where you want the bar to contact your body.

For years I was never really sure about what hand spacing to use.  I primarily would figure out what mobility I had available to overhead squat and then I'd put my hands there for the snatch.  I was not aware that my hand spacing was going to determine my contact point and my contact point needed to be the pocket or power position.

So I went through a long period of inconsistency and periodically smacking my junk with the bar.  Finally I was coached for under a minute and it made sense.

     2. There is always bar contact.  Sometimes its more violent than others.

I learned to love the "sound" of the bar and weights as the contact was made by my hips.  For a while I argued that I was more of a "brusher" than a "bumper" with the bar.  What I came to understand is that if you are truly very very powerful, maybe brushing the hips works for you.  But the rest of us need the mechanical advantage of an aggressive contact with the bar because we aren't super powerful.  AND, you will always come to a point that you are at the limits of your strength and must then rely on technique to go to the next point.

     3. Standing tall with your correct grip will put the bar in the pocket and when you bend the knees and dip to the power position, the bar will still be in the same spot-the pocket.

Donny Shankle taught me this.  There is literally no change in where the bar sits from standing tall to dipping into the power position. Too many people stand tall with the bar and immediately start bending forward, bypassing the 1st position.  When training from the hang you should be able to stand tall, bar is in the right place, stay tall and dip, now you are in the high hang, bar still in the same spot.  If you want to move into a mid hang, then there is a bow that takes place while the dip is maintained.

    4. The 1st pull off the ground is the load, the 2nd pull (passing the knees up to power position) is the explode, the 3rd pull is the whip back under.

The tempo is definitely different for each as is the mindset.  1st pull I think about building tension/energy.  2nd pull I think about violent explosion as I pull the bar into the pocket.  3rd pull I think of the fast change of direction like when a whip cracks loudly in the air.

     5. The snatch takes courage.

This speaks for itself.  Anything that takes courage also takes a serious mental approach EVERY time.  You can't be somewhere else and snatching, you must be present and you must treat the lift seriously.

The blessings of my mothers last days

     I haven't really discussed this much since it occurred.  My mother passed away at the end of April 2015.

     First a backstory: 

     I had a very chaotic childhood, is probably the best way to put it.  My father was never part of the picture after the age of 3.  Prior to that, he wasn't "really" part of the picture because he was incarcerated most of the time.  By the time I was 8 he had died in prison.

     My mom married a guy when I was about 7 or 8 I'd guess.  He was my mom's husband and I literally do not remember him trying to parent me ONCE.  We lived together is how I recall it.  These two had a lifestyle of lots of partying is all I will say.

     After high school graduation, I went in the Air Force and moved to California.  After high school, I saw my mother a few times a year or less.  Once I had children I tried to see her a little more but she never lived too close (AZ or FL).

     My mom and my step dad split shortly after I left and she went on to marry a man that was battling addiction.  That lasted a handful of years and they split and he succumbed to his illness.  She then married another man, with a similar story, battling addiction.  He went on to die from this as well.

     I say all this to say that a parent can love you more than the world itself and still be so terrorized by their own demons and choices that the legacy they leave you is love PLUS a heavy dose of let down and disappointment.

     Now the actual story:

     In September of 2014 my mother was living alone in AZ and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with metastases to the bone.  At one point she told me that she felt suicidal due to the pain.  I immediately knew that I needed her to move to CA to live with me so that I could help her battle this disease.

     In October we were told the average was 2 years based on her diagnosis.  She lived in my living room on a pull out sofa for the first month or so.  She was a mess of pain.  It seemed that every weekly appointment brought an increase in her pain medications as she was suffering so much.

     Finally she was on the right mix of medicines, radiation, and chemo that she was no longer in constant pain.  The most amazing part is that this little 105 lb woman had NO sense of grogginess or "high" or anything from the heavy pain meds.  She was able to move into my houses detached casita (spare room thing).

     It seemed like about every month there was a problem that needed to be addressed with the medications getting mixed up or side effects or not eating when supposed to and throwing the meds off.  So I would need to take on the nightly responsibility for a little while of waking, feeding, medicating, etc....to right the ship.

     Every 6 or 12 week check up we had showed the cancer was spreading.  But we kept going with treatment hoping for a change.

     On April 22, she had a chemo treatment and came home unusually tired (they often would energize her and make her feel quite good).  The next day she was very clearly disoriented.  Even she knew it.  We brought her to the hospital and found out Friday night that her cancer had spread to a kidney and that the other one got overwhelmed filtering the chemo and they both shut down.  We were told that the 2 year prognosis had just dropped to basically 2 days.

    I stayed the night in the hospital after finding out that she fell out of the bed.  Turns out that kidney failure kept the pain meds and chemo drugs accumulated in her system and caused her to hallucinate, slip in and out of lucidity, and lose her coordination.  Through the night and next day I would hear her hallucinating, trying to get out of bed, and have conversations with people that weren't there.

     Then out of the blue....she would call out for me....look right in my eyes....and tell me she loved me, tell me I was a good son.  And then just as quickly slip right back into confusion or sleep.

     We took her home Sunday and hospice was ordered.  There was no way she was swallowing pills at this point and so I was using the dropper to give her the meds.  In a repeat back to the beginning, the medication dosage was WAY too low and she was agitated all through the day and night.  We didn't have a hospital bed and so she was back on the pull out sofa with me sleeping next to her.  I figured out a system of tying a belt from a robe to her waist and the other end to my arm.  Everytime the meds started to wear off or for whatever reason, she would spring upright and try to get up.  Which with her lack of coordination and lucidity meant that she was going to face plant on the floor.  So the robe would pull on me and I'd grab her and try to calm her down.

     We got a hospital bed Monday and after numerous medication increases and home visits the hospice folks decided that on Tuesday morning they would station a nurse with us for the whole day to try to get things under control.  Which they finally did and my mom was at long last resting peacefully.  Those nights I slept next to her on the sofa and still had the robe trick going just in case and woke regularly to give her the droppers of meds.

     On Wednesday morning I went to wake the kids for school at 7 and noticed my mom stirring.  I called in Kathy and we sadly watched as she had her final moments and died.  It was finally over.

The blessings:

     My mom was able to spend the last 6 and a half months of her life with my family.  We spent more time together than we had since I was in high school.

     We had deep conversations about our love for one another, our forgiveness of each other, and the wonderful treat it was for her to watch her grandkids live life over those months.

     My kids were able to hear sweet (and many not so sweet) stories of who I was and who I am in my mother's eyes.  It allowed me to open up honest conversation with them about my life, my shortcomings, and my efforts to overcome things in my life.  I hope and believe that it will allow them to see me as human, fallible, and redeemable when they are struggling in the world.

     I had a renewed relationship with her that allowed me to spend more time with her in those 6 1/2 months than I likely would have had she lived another 15 years in AZ.

     I had the opportunity to love and forgive and move past any let downs I might have had in the past with her.  This is a beautiful thing.

     I love her and miss her and feel lucky that I had the chance to be there for her.

Crossfit Anywhere Shoulder workshop 1/16/16

Shoulder workshop recap

Key points

·         Most mobile joint in body.  Movement comes from spine, shoulder blade, and the joint at the arm and shoulder blade.

·         Everyone needs stabilization exercise, some need mobility first though

Screening

·         Impingement test-looking for pain

·         Wall flexion-looking for inability to touch wall and/or excessive back arching

·         Touch behind back and over head-looking for limitations or asymmetries

Exercises

·         Main ones are 1. external rotation and 2. side raises to about 60 degrees.  2 sets of 20 reps each arm, each movement.  Can use crossover symmetry or a dumbbell (or a plate if DB is too heavy)

·         Crossover symmetry-Full protocol is great but takes a long time to do

·         Quick Dumbell warm up-I prefer this due to the ability to track and progress

·         Important to do strict pullups during warmup to prep for a workout with kipping pullups.

·         Importance of building strict pullups, You shouldn’t kip until you can do a strict pullup.

Mobility-looking to stretch tight things.  30 seconds minimum

·         Banded stretches-flexion, IR, extension

·         Floor stretches-twisted cross (also done in a 45 degree (Y) overhead).  Ideal overhead prep

Sleeper-only if needed (tightness, asymmetry, or pain with impingement screen)

·         Lacrosse ball-Great for knots and trigger points in muscles

·         Roller for T spine extension-OHS prep, snatch prep.  Roll in t spine area and up in shoulder area

·         Partner subscapularis release-tack muscle, person then moves their shoulder through a range.  Tack hi middle and low parts of muscle a few times.

Movement specific technique and scaling options

·         Pull ups-low band best scale option.  Incremental trackable progressions, plus it won’t hit you in the face.

·         Pushups-Set shoulder and scapular positions.  Prefer banded real push ups vs. knees

·         Snatch, OHS-so many moving parts to look at, usually it more than shoulders at play

·         HSPU-Why are you doing these?  Risk vs reward….

Dumbell press seated is best scaling option for bad shoulders

Pike position on box, building up ab mats, etc…options for healthy shoulders

Inflammation management

·         Ice cup

·         Voodoo floss

·         Diet

·         Recent Antibiotic exposure has been shown to cause sore tendons too

If these little tips don't help, feel free to call or email or clinic to make an appointment.

www.sacramentospine.com   sacspine@msn.com   916-932-1210